What Jesus might say about “you’re the average of your 5 closest friends”

“You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.” (Matthew 5:43-48)

At the height of his fame, Fred Rogers was expected for dinner at the home of a TV executive. On the limo ride there, he struck up a conversation with his driver, Billy, and surprised everyone by inviting Billy to dinner. After the meal, Fred accepted an invitation to visit Billy’s place, where Fred played piano as neighbors gathered to listen.

That’s a beautiful example of Jesus’s command in today’s passage to show love to all—not just “your own people.” Or, as James 2:1-4 puts it, to “not show favoritism.” 

By cultural standards, Billy wasn’t one of Fred’s “own.” Fred was rich and famous. Billy was neither. But Fred treated him as an equal nonetheless. And in so doing, he glorified God by following the way of The Way in his work.

What might it look like for you and I to “greet” those who are not our “own people” today? Here are three ideas.

First, introduce yourself to someone you see regularly but have never met, like the janitor in your office or the barista at your coffee shop. Break the ice with, “I’m embarrassed we haven’t met! I’m ___________. What’s your name?”

Second, share a meal with someone outside your “circle” like Fred did with Billy. My dad modeled this beautifully. He was a busy food sales exec, but every Wednesday he took a young man named Jeffrey—an autistic kitchen worker with no influence over buying decisions—to Pizza Hut. Jeffrey wasn’t a “strategic relationship.” He was simply a human being my dad chose to see and love.

Finally, resolve to lower the “average” of your friends. Self help content is chock-full of reminders that “you are the average of your five closest friends,” followed by a call to action to spend time with those who are rich and successful by the world’s standards so you can “up your average.”

Yes, we are to choose our friends wisely (see Proverbs 13:20). But to view friends as a selfish means of upping your average is out of line with Jesus’s example—and what I think he’s getting at in today’s passage. Matthew 5 and James 2 call us to intentionally spend time with those who lower our “average,” because that’s what Christ himself did! 

Jesus wasn’t the “average of his five closest friends.” His disciples were boneheads much of the time. But “the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve” (Mark 10:45). May the same be said of us. Spend time with someone at work this week who the world would say is lowering your average. You’ll be glorifying God when you do.