85% of affairs start at work. Here are 3 ways to stay pure.
“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell. It has been said, ‘Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce.’ But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, makes her the victim of adultery, and anyone who marries a divorced woman commits adultery.” (Matthew 5:27-32)
In 2023, Newsweek reported that “around 85 percent of affairs begin in the workplace, and a whopping one in five employees confessed to being unfaithful with a colleague.” So yeah—this passage is incredibly relevant to our work today.
And while Jesus isn’t literally asking you to gouge your eye out if you lust after someone at work, his words are clearly a call to proactively wage war against sexual sin.
Now, as a proud girl dad, I often cringe when I hear Christian men (especially pastors) give prescriptive advice on this subject. Because tropes like, “Don’t ever be alone with a woman,” can be unwise, impractical, and unfair. But we do need to be intentional here. Because if you fail to plan you plan to fail in this arena.
I’m far from perfect here. But let me share three practices I’ve put in place to protect my eyes, heart, and marriage that I would recommend you consider (beyond the obvious of ensuring you’re renewing your mind daily with God’s Word).
#1: Ask your spouse (or friends) to help you set mixed-gender boundaries.
Ask your wife if she’s comfortable with you taking one-on-one lunches with women. Ask your husband if he’s OK with you traveling alone with a male co-worker. And if you’re not married, ask Christian friends for help establishing wise boundaries.
#2: Refuse to get naked emotionally.
Pat Lencioni encourages leaders to “get naked” by being transparent about what’s working and what’s not professionally. That’s wise. But be cautious about being too vulnerable personally with someone of the opposite sex. Talking about a P&L is one thing. Unpacking your exhaustion at home or disconnection in your marriage is another. Because emotional intimacy often precedes physical intimacy.
#3: Leverage commitment devices to make it crazy hard to lust—especially while traveling.
James Clear defines a “commitment device” as “a choice you make in the present that controls your actions in the future.” My friend has a commitment device of handing the TV remote from his hotel room to the front desk. I Brick my phone and use Accountable2You to minimize sexual temptation on the road. Whatever works for you works.
I’d be shocked if anyone reading has been totally pure sexually at work. If you’ve messed up, hear this: Jesus kept these commands perfectly, knowing we couldn’t. Rest in his grace and forgiveness. Then go to war against sin—not out of fear, but out of love for your Redeemer and those you live and work with.
